Balance: $0

As many of you know by now, I paid off the last of my credit card debt today!

I am so excited.  Mostly about what it means for how I can live my life now.  I feel like I can finally take a deep breath.  I’ve put so much pressure on myself to pay off this debt and before that it was the debt itself that was crushing me.  Now I’m free.

I feel like I could have written this post better six months ago than I can now.  I would have been full of wisdom and inspiration. My current attitude is something else.  Maybe distraction.  More likely disbelief.   A little uncertainty about what to do now.

It frustrates me to feel unsettled, but I think this is a really good place for me to be.  I thought I would pay off my debt and be on to the next thing immediately, but this hesitation I feel has me approaching this new reality cautiously.

I started accumulating debt when I was thrown into a new situation.  One I could not handle no matter how much I had prepared for it and budgeted.  But, I stuck with my plan, because I didn’t know what else to do and it took me too long to realize it wasn’t working.  Self-delusion clouded my vision.

I have plans for what to do now, of course.  I’ve been writing and rewriting them this entire time.  But, I want to pay attention this time to what works and what doesn’t.  I want to think and rethink what’s worth it to me and what isn’t.

For now, though, high fives and air kicks and fist bumps.  I did it.