This Time Last Year

This time last year, I hit rock bottom in my financial life.  School was just starting, I was sick, my car had a flat tire, and I didn’t have any money or available credit.  I was almost at a point where not asking for help was no longer an option.  But, I was stubborn, so I walked everywhere in 100 degree heat and dragged myself to the grocery store to buy the least expensive medication I could find.  Then I waited out the next week until it was finally pay day.

You can float along a very long time without feeling your debt.  This was the first time I’d really felt it.  The first time it was so limiting that I couldn’t go about my normal life.  The first time I had to strategize how I would eat for the next week with only the food I already had in my apartment.

It was scary and I was very aware that if one more thing went wrong, I was done.  Worst case scenario, I guess I would have had to call my parents and ask for money, which is a million miles from ending up in a box on the sidewalk, but in my mind, it was just about that bad.

I made it to pay day.  By then I was no longer sick, but I got my car fixed and bought some groceries and said to myself, “Wow, that was a close call.”  You’d think I would have been scared into action, but I wasn’t.  I’m sure I made some kind of an effort to at least avoid being blindsided like that again, but as soon as there was money in my bank account I continued on as I had before.  Things didn’t click for another two months.

Things could hardly be more different this year.  I have $12,000 less credit card debt, money in my accounts, and plenty of available credit. Most importantly, I’m not ignoring a huge problem in my life.  But, I don’t always feel the difference.  I guess because I have my get out of debt game face on.  I feel broke all of the time and I still stress about unexpected expenses constantly.

The truth, whether I choose to accept it or not, is that I am in a much better place and while I’m hoping for clear weather until I reach shore, I’m now capable of weathering a pretty huge storm.  It would take a lot more than a flat tire and acid reflux to take me down now.