I had this strange experience when my parents were visiting. I was having a problem with my car, which my step-dad fixed, but then on our way back from the auto parts store, my car started doing something else weird. 1
We were sitting at a light and it was super hot (no air conditioning) and my car was going crazy and I had no idea what to do (lucky me, one car ride out of thousands, my step-dad happened to be in the car with me), so we were yelling over the top of my engine revving, and I was immediately thinking, “Nooo, I don’t have the money for this!” I felt very helpless and overwhelmed, thinking that I wouldn’t have my car, which I depend on. And what was I going to do? And I didn’t want my parents to know that I’m not in a position to handle this.
I appeared calm throughout, but it actually took me a couple hours to have the very positive realization that I’m not helpless and I actually do have the money and resources to deal with this. I’m used to thinking I’m teetering on the edge of ruin, because I was for a while.
I am still more than $10,000 in credit card debt, so I’m broke. Actually, I think of broke as having a few dollars to your name and I have several negative thousands to my name. But, I make a great deal more than is required simply to keep up with my bills, including minimum payments on my credit cards, and even if my car needed a thousand dollars in repairs it wouldn’t set me back more than a month in my journey out of debt. I could actually pay cash–no added debt required.
It’s a big difference from last September when I absolutely had to get my tires replaced (they were all in beyond desperate need and then one went completely flat) and I had no available credit (all of my cards were maxed out) and only $250 to my name (the tires came to $245) and pay day wasn’t for another week and I didn’t have any food in my apartment. That was rock bottom.
I want to be out of debt. The reason it took me a second to realize I could handle repairs if necessary is that I hate the idea of getting a month behind on this goal. I tend to me very all or nothing, even though I know that’s a stupid way to think, so in my mind, being in debt is being in debt, no matter how far in debt you are or whether you’re doing something about it or not. But, I was surprised early on in this journey by the difference it made to my mental state simply to be doing something about my debt rather than just sitting on it. And now I’m surprised, though I shouldn’t be, of the practical difference it makes to have paid off almost $10,000 in debt, even though I have another $10,000 to go.
- The engine would keep revving until I was able to hit the gas or turn it off. It’s only happened once, but I need to get it checked out. [↩]
{ 2 comments }
Isn’t that a good feeling, though? To know that you can pay for it if something bad happens? I LOVE that.
I’ve enjoyed having extra money since I quit smoking on Jan 8 after 41 yr. I will say those dreaded words, “If I can do it, ANYONE can do it”. I seriously downplayed how much money I spent on smokes and I’m truly amazed at how much extra money I have now. One Day At A Time!
Comments on this entry are closed.