When I was younger, I don’t remember ever thinking much about how people spend their money. In the years when my mom was single, money was obviously an issue for us, but she worked hard and did everything she had to do to make sure we had what we needed. As they got older and more financially stable, I remember noticing that my parents lived like poor people even though they made more than all of my friends’ parents.
Later, I grew judgmental of people spending irresponsibly. I remember when I was working at Bed, Bath, and Beyond as a freshman in college and a coworker told me she had $7 in her banking account. That was inconceivable to me. I had thousands of dollars in my banking account and I was still nervous about money. As a student, I was sometimes resentful that I had to work so much more than the other students I knew, but working was an important part of my identity and I wouldn’t have quit if given the option.
When I got to grad school and quickly started accumulating debt, I became much more aware of how the people around me spend money. Mostly, I was just very confused about how my fellow grad students supported themselves. It’s still a mystery to me. I mean, some of them don’t work at all.1
As a person in debt, I for a long time believed I was all alone. Then, I began to suspect everyone was secretly in debt. Now that I’m a person getting myself out of debt, I sometimes watch people who seem to be good with their money, realizing they all have the same conservative habits, but more often I am focused on my own efforts. I spent too long worrying about what other people were doing with their money, assuming that if they were doing okay, if they weren’t worrying about money, then I should do the same. This journey has been about personal responsibility for me and it’s changed my focus on money inward.
- I’m talking about the grad students in my program where few get tuition completely covered and no one gets a stipend. [↩]
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I used to think I was alone too because all of my friends were going on roadtrips & spring break while I wasn’t. My husband I recently decided to stop saving as much money and put them mostly towards our debt and hopefully we’ll see more changes soon!
I’ve always kind of watched how others spend their money, but I think this stems from like you said…having a single mom and watching how she made ends meet. I grew up around a lot of people who were better off and taking trips all the time. When I got into college I was struggling to make ends meet while attending school & actually dropping out before graduation because even with the loans etc. I couldn’t work enough to live off of.
But things are always changing, now the friends who spent crazy w/their money tell me they can’t do something because they can’t afford it and I’m feeling a little more comfortable. Then again, 10 days or years down the line it could change again.
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