A Story Of Debt

I think it’s time I face some of the mistakes I’ve made that have led me to the debt I’m in right now.  It was certainly not one thing, but rather a series of things that built on each other.  I’ve forgiven myself for these mistakes and I think some of them actually led me to very positive developments, but what troubles me about them is that I knew I wasn’t doing the right thing, but I did it anyway, sometimes passively and other times actively.

In order of occurrence:

1. Cutting back on hours at work. In my junior year of college, I was overwhelmed with coursework and cut my hours back at work.  It was one particular class (Shakespeare!)  that was taking up most of my time, but after that class was over, I didn’t take my hours back up.  It felt nice to have time to just be a student, which I don’t totally blame myself for, but it meant I wasn’t earning enough to pay for college out of pocket.  I set myself behind and had to get loans the next year.
2. Down from two jobs to one. In my senior year, I had an opportunity to work in a writing center, so for a while I worked two jobs.  That December, though, I decided to cut back to just one.  It was again nice to have more time to be a student, but I gave up the job where I could have as many hours as I wanted, which meant that when the summer between college and grad school came around, I was working only 17 hours a week instead of 40.  I could have been so much better prepared for moving away to grad school.
3. Buying my car for more than it was worth. This one really burns me.  I just hated shopping for cars and so I found one I liked and let myself get talked into paying too much for it.  It’s been a good car for me, but I could have gotten a much better deal on something comparable.  It’s paid off now, but that was after making payments for three years.
4. Paying too much for rent. When I made my plans for grad school, I budgeted for a studio apartment on campus.  But, none were available, so I settled for a one bedroom with the promise that a studio would probably be available the next semester.  The woman in charge of housing was then laid off, so the list of people waiting for studio apartment was lost in the shuffle and I passively continued paying more than I could afford for a one bedroom (also because I like the extra space).  I did that for two years.  Easily the most costly mistake I made.  So much of my credit card debt is rent from 1-2 years ago.   Just over a year ago, I corrected this by moving into a studio.
5. Working only 15 hours a week. In my two years of grad school, I worked on campus.  We were only allowed to work 15 hours a week, so that’s what I did.  I sometimes felt overwhelmed even by that.  The mistake I made was in settling for that 15 hours a week even during the summer between those two years.  I could have been working more than full time, pulling myself out of the debt I’d already accumulated. I just did what was easy.
6. Viewing credit as available funds. This computer I’m typing on right now cost me $2,000.  I could not afford it at all when I bought it.  I did it on credit, which means I still haven’t actually paid for it.  Now, I love this computer and don’t regret it, but what was I thinking ever buying it?  I didn’t even need it at the time.  I think that I was so far in debt that I bought more things thinking, what difference does it make now? There was a time when I was losing weight and would use purchases to treat myself–weekly spending sprees at Target, basically.  I convinced myself I’d earned it.  Never mind if I could afford it.
7. Taking an extra year to graduate. This one is hard to judge, because it’s full of good and bad.  If I had applied to PhD programs the year before (pre-recession), I probably would have had a better chance of getting more aid in paying for my education.  But, I wouldn’t have ever needed or found my current full-time job that’s making it possible for me to pay down my debt while I’m still going to school full time.  Another bad was that I had to start paying on my student loans and that was a lot of money out every month that didn’t go toward my other debts.
8. Not planning ahead to find a job. My on campus job ended when I was no longer a full-time student.  I saw the end coming, but only passively looked for a job.  The result was a month and a half of unemployment when I had zero money coming in.  Thank goodness I eventually found a great job, but why wasn’t I more freaked out about my imminent unemployment?  That month and a half set me very far behind and I lived exclusively on credit.  That’s when this first became a crisis.
9. Spinning my wheels while making good money. I’ve had my job for more than a year, but I’m pretty much in the same financial position I was when I started.  The debt hasn’t increased, but neither has it decreased.  Why?  Well, I did have some big expenses come up, but the troubling reason is that I’ve spent too much.  When I think of what I’ve spent on just makeup and nail polish in the last year, it’s enough to make me want to throw up.  I mean, come on.  I don’t know what I was thinking.
10. Using avoidance as my financial method of choice. Things got bad and though I was finally in a place where I could turn things around, I chose avoidance instead.  It had become the way I dealt with my finances, especially when they were overwhelming.  Avoidance meant continuing to spend, never looking too closely at the numbers as the credit card balances went up and my checking account balance went down.

Related posts:

1. I Have Financial Amnesia